scotchneat.ca

I scored a 10, which means I can tell a dirty orange from a dirty dirty orange…

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/archives/62505

Went for a walk after work today and went through a walkway to a little park in the neighbourhood where you can see into people’s side yards and backyards. One house had what looked like a duck couple at their coy pond, until I got closer and realized they were the most lifelike garden gnome-duckens that I’ve ever seen.

I can’t figure out if it’s because they like ducks, or if this will keep away other ducks.

In any case, I was coming back around the block and I saw what looked like their gnome-cousin in the form of a squirrel, frozen in a “stand” position. Until I was exactly in front of him and he suddenly sprang forward and scared the living crap out of me.

So they’re cleaning out the water mains at work so we had no coffee/tea or water today (though they did bring in bottled water) and I had to go buy Timmies (which in a plaza right beside us so I’m hoping whatever drugs they put in the coffee are also good for killing rust and sediment) this morning and I didn’t get my after-lunch coffee.

It was very discombobulating.

My family was renovating my sister’s house which wasn’t my sister’s real life house, and the not real life house had a dirt floor basement that seemed more like a catacomb with many rooms and kind of drippy walls. Anyway, my father broke through a rubble wall and a series of ghosts started coming out, kind of like in Scooby Doo when the kids find the secret door in the haunted mansion.

But these weren’t just any ghosts – I distinctly remember Abraham Lincoln, Christa McAuliffe and Bette Davis.

We weren’t exactly afraid of them, but to ensure that they travelled only on approved pathways, we put up police tape around hazards and unexcavated areas.  They were very respectful of the boundaries. No one knows where they went upon exiting the premises.

I went for my annual *cough* check-up today (which was 3 years in the making, but who’s counting?). Decided that I should take advantage of all of our commie-pinko-socialist healthcare and all that. Up til now, I’ve been rather ambivalent about getting the H1N1 flu shot–I’m not in the high risk group and I never get flu shots. Doctor had other plans. Doctor made me get an H1N1 flu shot. This being my first flu shot ever, I have to say I’m not a fan: my arm (particularly my shoulder) is really freakin’ sore and my elbow is achy. I think I have swine flue in my elbow. But, I know one or two people who went through the H1N1 itself though, so I guess as long as this goes away and it works, it was a good thing.

Apparently, I have the blood pressure of a teenager. But as I’m chronologically more challenged than that, I get to do a series of more tests to check that I’m not falling apart at the seams or something.

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In this, my month of firsts, I also purchased winter tires for the first time.  As far as winter tires go, you’d think that all Canadians have them but that’s really not true. I learned old skool: you learn how to skid and how to control you car and pump your brakes. Which is another thing: ABS is stupid. I don’t want a car telling me when I’m pumping and when I’m not. I KNOW when I want to pump and the damn car should not be making those weird shuddery noises and popping the brake when it feels like it. It’s unnatural. Anyway, the tires. So far, I’ve noticed that braking feels different and winter tires are noisy. Of course, we’ve had a gloriously warm November so far, and now I think I may have jinxed us to getting eleventy feet of snow because I decided to purchase winter tires for the first time in my life and now my car has ABS AND winter tires, which is the equivalent of saying “Hey, Mother Nature, please pelt me until I am wimpering in submission for the arrogance of these modern inventions.”

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I also got switched to “smart hydro” today (being hydroelectricity, not hydro=water–I was very confused for the first few years of home ownership as to which is which).  Basically, they’ve got winter and summer “sweet zones” where you pay less money for electricity usage as well as prime zones for usage, and you pay more for prime usage. With the new meter settings, they now track usage hour by hour. I think this is a pretty good concept, and someone like me, who can be flexible on when I’m doing laundry and so on, has the ability to probably save some money on my previous bills. Or it would be, except for the fact that I get my brand new gas fireplace in a few weeks, and since it uses some electricity to get the pilot going, and I will most definitely run that baby during prime hours, I’m probably not coming out ahead. And I don’t care. Fire. Book. Scotch. Seriously… life will be good.

• Thumbs down: Where the hell were the kids this Hallowe’en? I think I got no more than 20 kids this year, which means I’m staring down a box and a half of mini-chocolate bars, and they are seductive in their little charms.
• Thumbs up: to the fact that we made it through the entire month of October without any of the “s word” – the neige…
• Thumbs down: to these recent commercials for carpet cleaners where the “woman of the house” refused to let her friend in the door because the WHITE carpet is all mussied up from foot traffic. Okay, here’s a thought: who the hell puts white carpet in their front hallway???
• Thumbs up: I finally got around to a) cleaning out the closet in the guest room and b) priming over the violet paint in there, preparing to make it a lovely cream
• Thumbs down: Harper trying to be all friendly and crap with a piano after cutting funding for the arts; Ignatieff thinking he’s a “man of the people”.
• Thumbs up: Mr Johnny Cash

Saw Cory Doctorow this afternoon, but I’ll put in my report tomorrow. In the meanwhile, amuse yourself (some oldies but goodies):

• The World of Tomorrow if the Interwebs Disappear (cracked.com)

• Why you can never have enough duct tape

I was walking into the house and I felt something sudden and wet on my foot. I looked down in time to see a moth of some sort flying away from the scene of the crime.

The “substance” was kind of wet yellow-ish. Could this be moth poop? I asked google, and apparently this guy got pooped on by a moth, and it looks suspiciously similar.

I guess if something goes in, it must come out …somewhere. Foot wash – check.

THIS, is the best decorating evar.

http://www.lovelylisting.com/2009/06/call-police-theyre-hoarding-our-nations.html

The crushed velour! The velvet! The crushed velvet!

And it matches perfectly with my popsicle pink velour jumpsuit. You think I’m kidding, but I’m not. I could totally live here.

Due to a quirk on my iPod, I had a clear run of Canadiana folksie rock lyrics the other day. Understated wonder, nature , sensuality, and then once in a while, a 5 dollar word … and some hockey.

If I were to pick a few for your ear bud enjoyment, I’d go with these:

“Hasn’t Hit Me Yet” – Blue Rodeo

Hey hey I guess it hasn’t hit me yet
I fell through this crack
And I kinda lost my head
I stand transfixed
Before this street light
Watching the snow fall
On this cold December night

I know what you’re thinking – “transfixed”? But trust me, in the context of the song, it totally works. I like to belt this one out.

“Old Bloody Orange” – Hawksley Workman

Old sour grape
Tell me a story
Of two naked lovers out testifying
Beating their drums on a salty coastline
With blood in their tears
Held down from the heavens
By the virtues of their bodies
Their trying to make it last,
Make it last forever

Evocative of Mr Leonard Cohen. Gospel of the body.

(note: video is NOT his, but this was the only complete recording of this song I could find)

“Suzanne” – Leonard Cohen

And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you’ve always been her lover

“Nautical Disaster” (and so many more) – The Tragically Hip

I had this dream where I relished
The fray and the screaming that filled my head all day
It was as though I’d been spit there, settled in , into a pocket
Of a lighthouse off some rocky socket,
Off the coast of France, Dear

Oh what the hell, also “Bobcaygeon” – The Tragically Hip

Drove back to town this morning with working on my mind
I thought of maybe quitting
thought of leaving it behind
went back to bed this morning
and as I’m pulling down the blind
the sky was dull and hypothetical
and falling one cloud at a time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNMKcfv_Z-E (embedding disabled)

“The Hockey Song” – Stompin’ Tom Connors

Where players dash, with skates aflash, the home team trails behind.
But they grab the puck, and go bursting up, and they’re down across the line.
They storm the crease, like bumble bees, they travel like a burning flame.
We see them slide, the puck inside, it’s a 1-1 hockey game.

If any of this is new to you non-Canadians, give it a listen.