Archive for October, 2007|Monthly archive page

I hurt myself with a dress today

Monday, October 29th, 2007

When you get invited to a Gay Wedding Cabaret and Topiary Festival, you take it seriously. Particularly when the invite says Think shiny! Think glamour! Think slink!

So Melle and I went slink shopping tonight and we found a sequined sheath in one store that could have been spectacular, given that my bra would be hanging out and the girls could have been nested in something shiny and red. There was also a top that could have been “Chinois” if it weren’t sparkly silver polyester. It was really the motherload at that store – including hot pink 70′s beauty queen, crinoline polka dots AND ultramarine blue rouching and rhinestones and asymmetrical hem.

At the next store, however, I almost blinded myself on a silver mirror-sequin number when I picked it up to look at it and it reflected off the overhead lights. Would be an excellent garmet to take to the desert island if rescue was on your mind, and I would have bought it – seriously, silver. sequins. BUT then Melle found the one. Now I can’t describe the one, because the brides may be reading this and you shouldn’t know about the guests’ slinkage before the wedding, or something like that.

All I’ll tell you is that is rawks. In every way possible. And it requires really big hair.

Elephant frat party

Friday, October 26th, 2007

booze and pachyderms don’t mix.

(Link from Scott Adams) 

Looking good

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

As I mentioned here, I’ve been having problems with heat in my house. Turns out it’s not that the registers are missing, it’s that the furnace was installed backwards.

That’s right, folks. Just before I took possession of the house, they had an installer come in and replace the old oil furnace with a new gas one. But Dude hooked up the blower to the cold air registers, explaining why I have no heat upstairs, and a Lear Jet in my kitchen, and warm joists in the sideroom.

I’m waiting for him to come tonight to rearrange the furnace, and until then, I’m lounging in 60-degree temperatures. Kinda like winter camping. A lady should always wear appropriate clothing, so my current ensemble consists of leotards under track pants, with two pair of socks, the top ones being rainbow multi-coloured fuzzy socks, and then a long-sleeved shirt and sweatshirt on top. If nothing else, the added bulk will help me to be a menacing presence while the guys are getting their work done.

I guess wearing gloves in my living room would put the whole outfit over the top…

Update: I has heat! Glorious, blessed heat. Out of the heat registers, if you can believe that.

Why I’ll never be an intravenous drug user

Thursday, October 25th, 2007

I felt around my upper arm trying to find the area that ached least with black and blues, then I pinched my flesh and jabbed and some blood came spurting out because the needle was old, used maybe 20 times that day…

–from Gone to the Crazies, by Alison Weaver

Finding one’s way

Sunday, October 21st, 2007

I have a cousin who started university this year. Her sister tried it a few years ago and quit either in the first year or right after. These are girls who grew up in subsidized housing, and got through divorce & bad family history. I was proud of them for getting to that next level, a way out of what could otherwise be more of the same for them and their potential families.

When the first one quit, my reaction was mainly contempt and anger. You’ve got this great opportunity to better your life and you give it up? You have the smarts and you can’t buckle down for 3 years (at least) and just get it done?

Well, now the second one, about a month into her university career, is already setting her excuses. The prof sucks. Some courses are too hard (it’s Sociology, for Pete’s Sake!). I’m not sure if I like this…

I think chances are less than 50/50 she’ll see it through.

I’ve said they’re my cousins, but I don’t know them well enough to offer inspiration or a kick in the ass. And I know I’m projecting my own drive onto them, but I just don’t get how you can get through the door, see the opportunity and then not go for it. I can’t imagine that my Aunt really wants for them to be video store clerks either.

The one that dropped out a few years ago is living what might be her dream: living with a passel of people in Toronto, working odd jobs and singing in bands. She lives week to week, sews her own clothes, ain’t got much in the way of “stuff”.

So, who am I to say this isn’t a good path? Hell, maybe she’ll end up famous, or at the very least happy, and I’ll be the close-minded one who thought the only way out was the traditional path of schooling and hard work.

But I see #2 getting ready to do a runner and I immediately wanna be knocking some sense.

Probably another good reason why I shouldn’t be a mother.

…leverages industry standards and *crap*

Friday, October 19th, 2007

Came home early today so that I could do a voiceover for an online presentation for an upcoming convention.

The specialist at work provided me with this supersonic headset that picks up sounds from approximately 2.13 km away, like the kid down the street hitting his brother with a road hockey stick…

And the currently nude walls in my house were acting as a vast echo chamber such that I was tempted to forego sexy professional narrator voice for Darth and have it (Attendees, I am your fa-ther…).

Then I came up with an ingenious idea: I sat on the floor and draped a big fuzzy red blanket over me and the laptop – reducing the hearing scope of the scary mic to just me. JL thought that this was invitation to play attack cat, so I’d start recording and then he’d sneak up on the couch behind me and then pounce on my head. Or scratch the blanket right beside the psychotic microphone, so I’d end up with “…built on industry standards. Shit, Jean Luc – stop that!” um, “…built on industry standards. You’re a dead man!

Finally, I gave up for a bit and played the role of mouse-on-crack under the blanket. Thank goodness JL doesn’t have much in the way of teeth :)

Led Morford

Friday, October 19th, 2007

I went through the late 70′s and well into the 80′s with a hot-on for Zep. One of the best gifts I ever received was their full box set. I made it through many many years of late night essays by blasting Zeppelin IV in my headphones. Still love to rock on to “Over the Hills And Far Away” on a Sunday afternoon. That little twit Sean Kingston is a twit for sampling them in such drivel.

All this is to say that Morford talking hawt about Zeppelin? Killer, baby.

The flawed hero

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

Even though Melle and I share a brain, one area where we diverge is book taste. Specifically, she does not (yet) share my predilection for mystery novels.

What I love are the cop mysteries, particularly British ones. I’ve tried to figure out why I like this “junk food” so much, and I think it’s the flawed hero. Many of them are mavericks, drinkers, smokers, self-destructive in one way or another. But they’re also idealists, fighters, irreverent, leaders.

I’d have a drink with John Rebus. I’d have some great pub chats with Alan Banks. Hell, I’d flirt with both of them. If you’re familiar with either writer’s work (being Ian Rankin and Peter Robinson when they’re at home), you’ll know that their books are more about flawed heroes than murder. And in both cases, there are some pretty amazing flawed female characters too, like Siobhan or Annie. Though I sometimes find each author guilty of the “woman cop as victim” plot, overall, I appreciate that the women can be heroes or arseholes as the case may be. There’s a lot more cop lit out there that really doesn’t get past testosterone.

The British part is good too because law enforcement don’t carry guns there – I know, we North Americans are thinking wtf? right now. But, in terms of plot and character, it means that your focus is so much more about people than about smash-em-ups and gun-play. Not that there’s no violence, but the answers (and the sleuthing) are in conversations with a wide range of funny, weird, dysfunctional – you know, average – people.

If I could write well, you can bet your ass there’d be a flawed hero, and she’d be marvelous.

I’m thinking a gift card for Xmas

Sunday, October 14th, 2007

No price parity on books until the new year.

I love my books, but my hefty Canadian dollar says I shouldn’t be paying up to 30% premium anymore…

Which way?

Friday, October 12th, 2007

Is she going clockwise or counter-clockwise?

Melle, Andrew and I all see clockwise, and I have no idea how anyone could see counter-clockwise. Freaky.

Link courtesy of Maggie.