22nd Nov 2009
Though it was rather satisfying when California slid away
I abhor blockbuster movies. I love nutters and conspiracy theories. So you can imagine my consternation regarding whether or not I should go to see 2012. I succumbed this afternoon.
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Very light on the nutters and heavy on things falling and breaking and blowing up real good, unfortunately. Things you should know:
- this sucker is almost 3 hours
- if you are a physicist, geologist, or a writer with a modicum of talent and you are not good at that whole “willing suspension of disbelief”, or if you have taste, this movie may not be for you.
I know, I know, no one does box office apocalypse like Roland Emmerich. And who doesn’t love John Cusack? AND Chjwetel Ejiofor??? But the script goes from okay witty to schloppy preaching, and really could have used an edit. Not to mention that maddening “just in time” scenes over and over again (the road falling away just 10 feet behind a speeding limo! the tarmac falling away just 10 feet behind a passenger plane trying to take off to safety! the tarmac falling away in FRONT of a cargo plane trying to take off to safety! man learns how to fly a plane sideways just as buildings collapse around him!).
And oh, the cliches… There’s the man comes back from falling in a sinkhole by pulling himself up by his fingertips, self-sacrificing commander-in-chief stays with the little people, ex-wife really loves the ex-husband but left him cuz he was flaky and takes him back immediately after he displays heretofore unknown reserves of heroics.
And how many frackin’ times can you play the “stupid” card – i.e when a character refused to run when, clearly, the only good option IS to run, but they have to stand there with their mouth open, or save their hats, or dogs or whatever … or the kid disobeys parents in a life-threatening situation to follow them into what is surely going to be a bad situation and of course they don’t die because they have moxy and no one kills a moxy kid, or the couple takes times to kiss and canoodle when imminent destruction is less than 10 seconds away. Frack. I hate the stupid plots the most – obviously a writer problem and not an actor problem.
And in case the audience was in need of more dumbed-down symbolism, how’s this? Earthquakes all over the world, cracks chasing across streets and buildings, cut to pictures of people praying in various centres of spirituality and then the wall cracks right between Adam’s finger reaching out to God in the Sistene chapel. That means he has forsaken us, in case you missed that one…
Now, if I have to focus on what’s the good: Wood Harrelson, fresh off the awesomeness that is Zombieland, is of course the bestest (and pretty much only) nutter. Also, as much as we snorted in derision, none of us fell asleep.
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Recommendation: wait for the DVD.