There’s traditions, and then there’s traditions

I don’t believe that I will be nekkid after tomorrow’s wedding. But there was a real ‘streak’ there in the 90s when this became the only appropriate ending to nuptials in my circle.  Sure we had been playing strip euchre for a few years in our small group, but when we were invited back to a co-workers house after my roommate got married, and that house had a pool, we knew it was time to go to the next level.

The group gathered at the pool was a motley mix of university friends, wedding party members, straights, gays and significant others. I’m not sure if I was the first one to start the stripping, but I do remember getting a friend to pull my bridesmaid dress off from the bottom up, so to speak, while I was bent over so that my derriere was facing a group of men drinking beer on the patio. I flung the dress into the bushes and then dove into the pool. Soon there were nekkid people floating around in old tires and floaty chairs and I think someone was wearing nothing but a pool noodle.

Forward to the next wedding (just so happened to be the girl that helped me remove my apparel at the first one). Huge catholic family with the ceremony to go with it. Many had flown in from Northwest Territories and they were all staying at this hotel on the outskirts of town on the corner of a busy road going east-west and the main road north out of town. The pool at this hotel was situated on the outside corner of the parking lot, so cars going in both directions could eyeball the swimmers if they chose to. After the reception, we made a beeline to that pool like we were on a mission. I don’t know if it was the intimidation of a public viewing or the possible censure of 28 roman catholics from the far north, but only a brave four of us were up to the challenge. One of my best friends, his gf, and a teacher friend of ours.

In our drunken troll logic, we conceived of the idea that it would be good to disrobe in behind the main building and leave our clothing there, streak across the lot, jump the fence and then dive in. It was 3 o’clock in the morning or so, so all we’d run into were possibly the relatives…

Mission into the pool was no problem. We had several northern uncles leaning on the fence trying to carry on a conversation while not looking at the bits on display. But then one of the aunts got wind of the entertainment and called the manager, who proceeded to try to chase us from the pool with a broom. So we’re doggy paddling in the middle and dude is banging a broom along the side of the pool like we were a wildlife specimen who happened upon this thing that looked like a cement pond and decided to go for a swim.

When that didn’t work, the manager called the cops. Thing is, if the teacher friend got caught sans gitch, then he’d need to be calling a union rep because he’d be facing teacherly laws regarding public indecency or something, so we knew we had to move.

Now, jumping naked out of pool while being chased by a hotel manager with a broom, and hopping a fence with a cruiser barreling into the parking lot with lights and navigating to the back of the hotel while dodging 28 roman catholics from NWT AND putting on your underwear, all while thinking with the logic of a drunken troll is a bit of an art.

I got caught up trying to get a leg in a leghole and did a faceplant onto some asphalt. At that point, survival instinct kicked in so I threw on the dress and sprinted to the road with undies in hand. The couple went one way and teacher guy followed me. At this point, he was wearing his underwear and an open dress shirt, carrying his tie & pants and shoes.

I looked up and saw an 18-wheeler bearing down on us from the north. I stuck out my thumb (I might have waved my underwear, but we don’t have the replay to know for sure). And dude picked us up! Drove us right downtown where we passed out blissfully “as we were”. We were relieved to find out the next day that the other two got away from the fuzz, too.

So that was the third time I almost got arrested. Weddings – what can you do?

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